Street diagnosis

It is very easy to attract a crowd around yourself in the streets of Nairobi because there are those who just love to join in where more than two people are gathered for lack of something better to do. There are also those who join in for profit as a crowd is always good ground for harvesting wallets and purses from those who have gathered there for lack of something better to do.
The easiest way to attract a crowd is just to stop in the street and geze at nothing in the sky or the top of a building. No sonner have you done that than somebody else will also stop and look up in the direction you are gazing. The two of you will soon be joined by a third, fourth and fifth person all looking intently at nothing inthe sky. Having started it all by looking at nothing in the sky, you can sneak away without anybody noticing your absence.

If you return after going around the corner, the crowd will have grown and experts will be giving their opinion on the strange sighting. "It was there a while ago, I can swear," says one of the people gazing at the sky. "It looked like a flaming ball. I saw it with my own two eyes."
"No, it wasn't like that. You must be blind if you saw something shaped like a ball. It was shaped rather like...you know...like, like..."
"Like a dagger," another Kenyan cuts the speaker short.
"Yes, like a long, thin dagger," says another star gazer.
"There was nothing in the first place," you say with a laugh because you started it all. Suddenly there are many angry stares directed at you and all the eyes that were looking up look at you.
"What is wrong with this fellow?" somebody asks, obviously angry.
"Are you blind or something? I was there and we saw it. Only I don't agree with this man's claim that it was a flaming ball. It was something like...you know...like..."
It is wise to move away at that moment or else you will be engaged in an almost violent argument on the sighting of unidentified flying objects that never were.

You can attract an even bigger and more enthusiastic crowd by fainting in the streets. Not everybody will stop when you faint and some people will actually walk away very fast for fear that you might die and they will be asked to write statements at the police station. These people are insignificant compared to those who will gather around you. The crowd will be so big and so enthusiastic about your fainting that although you need a lot of fresh air, you will get very little of it. You will instead get a lot of hot air from the mouths and bodies of those gathered around you as you lie prostrate on the pavement.

"What happened to him?" somebody will ask to start a conversation.
"How do I know? I was not here when he collapsed," will come the answer because the speaker does not want to be associated with your fainting.
"Is he dead or alive?""Looks alive to me but he could be dead. I cannot quite tell because I have never seen a dead man in the streets before." "How could a healthy-looking man just drop down in the street like that?"
He could have been hit by a falling object. You know such cases have happened before."
"It looks like a case of malnutirtion."
"It could be drunkenness. A case of too much chang'aa on an empty stomach."
"His breathing looks slow. It looks as if he is going to die."
"Can't somebody call for a taxi to take him to hospital?"
"Who will pay the fare?" "We don't even know the man. He looks about 35 and not very rich. He could be just a civil servant."

Your case will be diagnosed to a terminal stage without anybody giving you as much as the kiss of life as you head for the after-life. However, there is somebody who would like todo something about you but the crowd is keeping him at bay. The man is a pickpocket who has already mentally diagnosed what you are worth in the pocket. Had the man found you in that state without witnesses, he would have done the most sensible thing to him - clean out your pockets.